Tonight, I came upon my love of my daughter. She is a night owl, and has been from birth. She biologically wants to stay up until between 10 pm and 2 am, and sleep in until between 8 and 10 am.
As a baby, she stayed up until those late hours every night. As a toddler, she came over to her door and cried to be let out at bedtime until she fell asleep on the floor next to the door. I always felt terrible having to open the door and slide her out of the way to put her back in her bed.
Now she is an early teen, and she has spent the tween years perfecting the art of chatting me up when I come to say goodnight. “Are we doing anything tomorrow?” “So, how was your day?” “Is anything fun happening tomorrow?” “Did you know this really interesting story that takes me forever and a half to tell you, Mother?” Okay, I’m paraphrasing on that last one, but you get the idea.
I, on the other hand am a morning person. I tire naturally around 8 or 9 pm, and drastically run out of gas at around 10 pm. I wake up without an alarm clock before 7 a.m. quite regularly. Early in the morning I feel bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to face the day. Exactly the way my daughter seems to feel about 9 pm.
We went to the river the other night, and the kids found tadpoles, and even a frog in that awkward teenage stage who hadn’t lost its tail yet. When we were done and got home after Normal Kid Bedtime, Daughter was ever happy to take a leisurely shower, and do heaven knows what in the bathroom for another hour before I finally went and nagged her into bedtime submission.
Go to bed child, or you’ll be sleeping with the frogs.
Sometimes I think of our relationship as a sort of tragic romance, or maybe momance, since she and I love each other, but can never find the magical way to be together when we both feel great. Tonight during her excessive bathroom ritual, I started an angry tirade in my mind, as I often do. Imagined angry tirades are a fun hobby, what can I say? I imagined my lecture to her, Daughter, these are the circumstances under which you are allowed to get out of bed and approach your exhausted mother: 1. Your bedroom is on fire. 2. You are bleeding. 3. You are crying. (At this point I started to realize) 4. You are scared or worried. You have any problem that a mother might be useful in discussing …
I discovered that my love for my daughter overcomes the multitude of her late night sins. It doesn’t matter what is troubling her, I will be there for her, because she is my daughter. Even if I’m tired and grumpy, I love her and I want to hear what she has to say. What if she didn’t want to talk to me? That would be the worst. So my gratitude today is for these things:
I have a daughter.
She wants to talk to me.
My love for her is so deep that it surprises even my most jaded, tired, 11:00 pm mom self.
My daughter is very similar with her sleeping. She used to love to go to bed early and was always up at the crack of dawn. When my kids were little she I was bartending at night, so liked to sleep a little later. She would collect her brother and some cereal, grab the remote and come in my bed until I woke up. She was such a good big sister and such a great daughter. I look back over all the trials and tribulations and sometimes I cringe. My son passed away last year and my husband the year before that. She lost her dad and her brother. We are extremely close now, which is wonderful. It brings back the days when she loved spending time with me! She just moved into an apartment with friends. I am happy for her. She is 21 and wants to be an adult. I like the quiet but I also miss seeing her at random times throughout the day. Luckily she only moved about 2 miles away!