It’s back to school day for my older kids. My sixth grader had to leave on the bus at 6:45 a.m., so we said goodbye to him early this morning and then went on a quick walk before the next child left at 7:15 a.m. One of our neighbors was out walking too, and she asked if this was a happy day or a sad day, and in unison Alex and I said, “Yes.”

It is a relief every year to send the kids back to school, and resume the structure that goes with it.  We are so much better about putting our kids to bed on time during the school year.  It means more sleep for us, and more quiet time while they are asleep. Often in late July, or early August, I find myself making an appointment with my counselor just to deal with my late summertime woes.  Then school starts, and I can quilt and read at night, and everything gets into a predictable routine. Suddenly my mental health improves.

Still, I’m going to miss the otter pops, trips to the library and swimming pool, and late nights reading library books.  It’s so nice to not have to go anywhere or do anything for long periods of time. This summer we did not take a big family vacation. We just went to a couple of family gatherings and reunions. We spent a little time at the lake, a little time hiking, and a lot of time reading, riding bikes, and generally lounging.

This year, my youngest starts kindergarten, and next year he will go to school full time.  When my oldest went into kindergarten, I cried like a baby. But the next two I was able to mostly keep my composure. This morning I felt calm as one of the teachers took him to the small blue chair at the very short table for his testing. I filled out my set of blue papers on the clipboard.

I threw away the car seat this week. All four of my children used that car seat, and when I put it in the gray dumpster, I felt a twinge of sadness, but I didn’t come apart (like that other time I threw away part of their childhood). I think I’m ready to move forward.

After testing, this morning I went to get a muffin at the local coffee shop with one of my best friends, and my youngest child. He had apple juice, and I had a raspberry peach muffin that was pretty heavenly.  He scolded me for not getting him any food, so I broke off a piece for him, and we all enjoyed the cool morning before heading off to our work days.

I have a little bit of mom guilt for not planning an elaborate kid centered vacation this summer.  But I decided that some times it’s okay to just letter summer be, and enjoy the simple pleasures of a fully dedicated rest. Guilt is optional. That’s my motto.